Chaotic Comments

I follow you in secret
From shadows half a block behind you
I smell your perfume once in awhile
I try to piece together where you are,
Who you have become, and what matters to you now,
From clues you litter along the way
Like shreds of half-burnt paper floating in the air
Like tragic un-lived lives
I’ve made a make shift map from what I could
But I navigate by the few half-written letters
You have throw in the trash
Lately you have begun to mention, to unknown recipients
Vague health concerns surfacing in you
You write about them with a subtle terminal ring
Are you dying?
You pretend not to fixate on death
But I know your old obsessions
You speak in code and allusions
Some of them I can see through
Others I feel you believe so deeply
You can no longer tell
That they were simply falsehoods
You created in times of need
Like choosing men closer to death than life
Kissing in their reaper scent

There is no way for me to know if you are safe
And in discovering, you might be ill
I find the strain of my affection for you
Has not completely died

In spite of all you did to hurt me, insult me, and
Paint me to be your enemy when all I gave you
Was my word, opinion and friendship
I may intensely want to know what ails you
But cannot aid you after all your cruelty
You are not worth such sacrifices anymore